Leadership is about responsibility, but for many women of color, it often becomes something more. We are not just leaders—we are fixers, problem-solvers, and the people everyone depends on. The weight of our workplaces, families, and communities rests on our shoulders.
At first, being the “go-to” person feels like an honor. It means we’re trusted, valued, and respected. But over time, it can become exhausting. The more capable we appear, the more is expected of us. And if we don’t set limits, we find ourselves in a relentless cycle of over-functioning.
But when does being dependable turn into being overburdened? And how can we break free without guilt? In this post, we’ll explore the hidden costs of always being the one people rely on. We will examine why this happens. We will also discuss how to create boundaries that allow us to lead without losing ourselves.
The Hidden Costs of Being the “Go-To” Person
Being the person others count on comes with real consequences—emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Here’s what happens when the weight of responsibility becomes too much:
1. You Become Overworked and Under-Supported
The more you prove yourself capable, the more tasks and responsibilities come your way. But while your workload increases, support doesn’t. Instead of being rewarded with help, you’re met with more expectations. Over time, this leads to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.
2. Your Own Goals Take a Backseat
When you’re constantly solving other people’s problems, there’s little time left for your own growth. Your priorities get pushed aside. You put your career goals, self-care, and personal ambitions on hold. Suddenly, years have passed. You were so busy carrying others that you forgot to carry yourself.
3. It Creates an Unhealthy Dependency
If you’re always the fixer, others stop figuring things out for themselves. Whether it’s in the workplace or at home, people default to you instead of taking initiative. You become a crutch, and instead of empowering others, you end up enabling them.
4. You Feel Unappreciated
The frustrating part? People get so used to you handling everything that they stop recognizing the effort it takes. What once seemed impressive becomes expected. Your contributions are overlooked, and it feels like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.
This cycle is not sustainable. And it’s not leadership—it’s a system failure. The good news? You can change the narrative.
Why Women of Color Leaders Experience This More
Women of color in leadership positions don’t just deal with regular workplace challenges. We face a unique mix of cultural expectations. We also encounter professional biases and deeply ingrained social narratives. These factors make it even harder to step back.
1. Cultural Conditioning: The Expectation to Be Strong and Self-Sacrificing
Many of us were raised with the belief that strength means handling everything on our own. The “Strong Black Woman” stereotype contributes significantly to this mindset. The role of the selfless caretaker in many Latina and Indigenous cultures also plays a part. In addition, there is pressure in Asian communities to be highly competent yet self-effacing.
We learn early that asking for help is a weakness. So, we don’t. We take it all on, even when it’s too much.
2. Workplace Biases: The Double Burden of Proving Ourselves
Women of color often face higher scrutiny in the workplace. We know that mistakes aren’t just seen as personal failures but as reflections of our entire demographic. So we work twice as hard. We take on more than we should. We hesitate to say no. We fear anything else will be seen as incompetence.
3. The Pressure to Uplift Others
We are trailblazers in spaces where few women of color hold leadership roles. We often feel responsible for those coming behind us. We mentor, advocate, and support others—sometimes at the expense of our own well-being. While it’s important to uplift others, it shouldn’t come at the cost of our own success and peace.
Breaking this cycle doesn’t mean we stop being leaders. It means we start leading in a way that is sustainable and empowering—not just for others, but for ourselves.
How to Break the Cycle Without Guilt
Shifting out of the “go-to” role doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you lead with intention, protect your energy, and create boundaries that allow you to thrive. Here’s how:
1. Recognize That Saying “No” is Leadership
Boundaries aren’t just personal—they’re professional. Saying no isn’t about rejecting responsibility; it’s about ensuring you’re effective in the responsibilities you do take on. Start small. Delegate one task this week that you would normally handle yourself.
2. Make Delegation a Priority, Not an Afterthought
Delegation isn’t about dumping tasks—it’s about building a stronger team. If you struggle with this, ask yourself: “Is doing this task myself the best use of my time and skills?” If not, find someone else to take it on. It’s not just about freeing your time; it’s about empowering others.
3. Shift From Problem-Solving to Coaching
Instead of immediately fixing every problem brought to you, start responding with, “What do you think the solution is?” This simple shift encourages others to think critically and take ownership. Over time, they become more self-sufficient, and you stop being the default fixer.
4. Stop Feeling Responsible for Everyone’s Success
You can support people without carrying them. Remind yourself: Their growth is their responsibility. Your role is to guide and inspire—not to carry the entire weight of their journey.
5. Prioritize Your Own Goals
What do you want? What goals have been on the back burner? Schedule time for yourself, whether it’s professional development, rest, or a passion project. Your success matters just as much as the success of those around you.
Key Takeaways
- Being the “go-to” person often leads to burnout, stalled growth, and feeling unappreciated.
- Women of color leaders experience this pressure more due to cultural expectations, workplace biases, and the burden of representation.
- Setting boundaries, delegating effectively, and shifting from problem-solving to coaching are key to breaking the cycle.
- You can support others without sacrificing your well-being. Leadership should be sustainable—for you, too.
Suggested Reading
- The Perfectionism Trap: Why Women of Color Leaders Must Embrace Wholeness Over Flawlessness
- Managing Work Stress and Burnout: Essential Techniques for Mental Health and Well-Being for African American Women and Women of Color
- The Invisible Workload: How High-Achieving Women of Color Can Redistribute Emotional Labor Without Losing Their Leadership Edge
Join the Conversation in The Leading Lady Collective
Are you ready to stop carrying the weight alone? In The Leading Lady Collective, we’re having real discussions about breaking free from over-functioning and reclaiming our time and energy. Join us today!
Sneak Peek for Monday’s Blog Post
Next up, we’re addressing a leadership challenge that receives little attention. How do you handle workplace dynamics when you’re the only woman of color in the room? We’ll explore strategies for navigating isolation, advocating for yourself, and building allies in spaces where you’re underrepresented.
Additional Resources
- Book: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Book: The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table by Minda Harts
- Course: Leadership Without Burnout (Available on LinkedIn Learning)